On Thanksgiving Day of 2008 I gave birth to my first child, a stillborn son. In the 11 months that have followed that horrible day, my sweet husband and I have continued to grieve and process the loss of our child. Most days we are doing well and carry on with life as (our new) normal. Then there are other days when we are stricken with the heaviness of the reality of what occurred and the ache seems like too much to bear. We take each day as it comes and do our best to support each other through the highs and lows that grief brings our way.
Before and during my pregnancy I had read Pam England’s “Birthing From Within” and was elated at the concept of creating birth art and using that as a form of expression throughout the ten months. Just as I was getting more comfortable with the idea of myself as an mom-to-be-artist, I learned that we had lost our baby (at 27 weeks). I never picked up a pen or a paint brush or let myself explore my creative self.
I’m currently pregnant with our second child and these 21 weeks of pregnancy have been wonderful. My husband and I are filled with a renewed sense of hope, joy and peace for the little one to come and for the most part, we’re excited to meet our daughter or son. I am determined to make birth art a part of the rest of this journey both with my husband, but also on my own apart from him. I know there are things from last year that probably need to surface that might come out through art and there are things about where I am in life now that I want to express in a meaningful way.
Does anyone have suggestions for how to get things started? I've sat down, dedicating time to art and nothing comes. Maybe I'm thinking too much, maybe I'm expecting too much, but I feel crippled. I don't want to let this pregnancy slip away without using the creative juices that are deep down inside me, but I think I might just need some nudging. Anyone?
Thanks for reading all of this. For some reason, I felt compelled to share our story with you strangers. ;-)