Dealing with your doctor
So i love my doctor for the most part. The last visit I tried t bring up that I am doing a natural birth with the bradley method. I could not believe what he said next, he was all like your not going to wont something crazy like no IV or not to be monitored or anything. He was all like i dont care if you dont wont pain meds that on you i dont have to feel the pain. I was so shocked and it was at the end of the app so he was trying to rush out i didnt say anything. Man is he going to have a wake up call.
So how should i bring this back up to him? I a little scared but at the same time i not going to just let him do what he wont. i know what i wont for this birth and i am not ready to just let him take over ( like he thinks) I think i am just worried about bring it back up since what he said last time.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Carol Van Der Woude on -
The website www.mothersadvocate.org gives examples of the six healthy birth practices. The site also provides guidance for a birth plan. Spend some time looking over the healthy birth practices so you can clearly state your perspective. If your doctor continues to have a negative attitude you may need to find a different health care provider.
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Permalink Reply by Samantha on -
Thanks for your help, i have spent os much time plaining this birth and i get a long great with my doc tell this. I would hate to change docs this late, i am 30 weeks.
I have made a birth plan so i think i will bring that in and let it say it for me.
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Permalink Reply by Shari W on -
Ha! I switched to a midwife at 36 weeks after the writing was so clearly on the wall that they just wanted to "process" me! I am so thankful I did. Not everyone is up for this. If you are not, you have to learn to state your wishes firmly but respectfully. And do it over and over until he is sick of hearing you. Also, it will be critical for you to have a loved one or doula at your side who totally knows what you want and will fight for you and encourage you when you are feeling tired and vulnerable. At the hospital, it is very easy to lose control. They stick in the IV and start monitoring right away, and it is very tough to be strong on your own.
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Permalink Reply by Samantha on -
Um find a new care provider, preferably a midwife. I know it seems scary to switch, but you won't regret it. Honestly if he is not on board with your birth wises now the odds of him being on board when the delivery comes around are slim to none, birth plan or not. You said "Man is he going to have a wake up call." and honestly from my experience as a doula it is going to be you who is in for the wake up call. I don't mean this to be rude, but the odds of him actually going along with your desires of a low intervention delivery are pretty slim if he refers to no IV and limited monitoring as "Crazy". To have a happy calm birth experience you need a team of people who will support you in your wishes and from the sounds of it your OB does not seem to be one of those people. I am not saying it isn't possible to have the deliver you want with him, because it is, you will just have to fight for it. I would over the next week or so really decide what is important to you and start contacting other providers and see if you find one who thinks the same way you do. At your next appointment tell the OB your wants and desires, if he is not supportive of them then go with the new person. It will make for a much smoother delivery for you.
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Permalink Reply by Samantha on
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Thanks for the advice. He is already my second OB and he almost didnt take me i am considered high risk because i was having twins but one of the twins died at ten weeks so it was hard to get him to take me. Plus i have a heat problem nothing that big but most of the Midwife wont take you if you have any heart problem and with the one twins death i dont think any midwife will take me. I am a little stuck. I have a Ob app this coming week and i going to go and tell him what i wont and let him know i not willing to change my mind on things and see what will happen. i just hopping that he will see it my way, if not i am willing to fight. I am also in school to become a midwife & doula which he know, so i am hoping that will give me a leg up and he cant act like i dont know what i am talking about so i think that will help. Just have to wait & see.
thanks for the support it been hard seeing my birth dreams circle the drain in a way and i know if i stand up for my rights and what i wont there is a chance i will get it.
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Permalink Reply by Desiree Johnson on -
If you can't switch care providers, maybe you could meet him halfway. Perhaps you could ask him if you could have a hep lock put in. That way, you'd already have something in your vein....it just wouldn't be hooked up to anything unless there was an emergency. As for the monitoring, maybe you could request intermittent monitoring (rather than no monitoring). However, I am wondering if whether he will want continuous monitoring of your vitals (not just the baby's vitals), if you have a heart condition. Obviously, I don't know anything about your heart problem, but it might be worth talking about this in more depth to see why he wants these interventions.
Finally, I'd check into getting a doula for the birth. Some doulas even attend prenatal appointments with clients. At any rate, you'll definitely want someone to speak your wishes during the delivery (I know I wasn't able to speak much during mine). ;)
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Permalink Reply by Samantha on
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Thanks for the help i will bring up what you said if he seems like he just wont budge on things when we talk this next time.
I have been thinking about getting a doula but just not sure yet, i will look into it more. Your right you do need someone there that will speck for you when you can and i am not sure if my hubby will be abel to do it for me.
Thanks for the support and help.
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Permalink Reply by Shari W on
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Do you have a birth center near your hospital? Maybe if you have never had a cesarean, they will accept you at the birth center?
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Permalink Reply by Samantha on
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So now my doc has me doing fetal screening twice a week tell i am due. I have not been able to talk to him since the last time since at his office you do every other visit with your doc then a Nurse practitioner so i didnt get to see him, I am hoping when i do things will go smooth but i have a feeling that they wont.
Oh in just so you know the fetal testing is because of the loss of the one twin. He wonts to make sure that the baby will be fine , which is a bit silly since he has been fine since.
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Permalink Reply by Kayla Dolan on -
You mention having some high-risk issues, including a heart complication. Because of this, I would suggest that you comply with routine blood pressure monitoring, a hep lock, and intermittent monitoring (hospital style). You probably won't get the standard midwife portable doppler monitoring, but you can probably be (sometimes, in bed) on the monitors for 15 minutes and off (up and walking around) for 15...that kind of thing...as long as everything is "reassuring."
That being said, none of that really has to interfere with a natural labor or bradley method, by default. Get a doula to help you to negotiate with your practitioner at the time of the birth. If your practitioner is this controlling before labor begins, it gets hella worse in the hospital (personal experience).
BTW: the weekly monitoring means he's going to try to induce you at some point "on the safe side." I guarantee it. I hope that doesn't happen to you. However, you have every right to just wait until you go into labor. If he refuses to be your OB, then you'll have an OB on-call at the hospital. If you have a doula on your side, I think that would be an option for you, if you are really wanting to put your foot down.
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Permalink Reply by Samantha on
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Thanks so much for the advice and help. I had a natural birth with my first son, but there where thing I didnt like that happen and i wonted to be different. I think it being my first birth and not being as prepared as I could have been made things go the way they did. I am so much more ready for this birth, i thought i read allot with my son I have done so much more reading and reachers on all different kinds of thing this time around. I really wont a doula but since this is a surrogate baby and the parents will be there and my hubby, I just dont know about a doula too. I scared that they will not let me have that many people and i dont wont my Intended parents to feel left out. Or to have to choose who should stay or go. My Intended parents have been reading the bradley book and other books as well and they are vary much aware of the way that i wont to give birth and they are behind me all the way. So I think that i will have the support.
I talked with my doc and he said he was open to me pushing in any position i wont, which was nice to hear i know that is not much, but its a start. I going to bring up what you said about being monitoring the way you said, I feel like that is a good compromise and as long as i dont have to be strapped down the whole time i think that will be better. That was one of the things will my first birth, they had me hooked up the whole time and would come in and yell at me cuz they keep losing the baby and telling me to sit still.
Anyway thanks for the help and i will post my birth story as soon as i can, I still have 5 weeks and 4 days and thats if this little guy comes on his due date.
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Permalink Reply by Sara on
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A doctor cannot drop a patient w/a "chronic" condition until another doctor is in place to care for that patient. It is considered patient abandonment. Usually, they have to continue to see you and care for you, and offer you a referral to another doctor, for a "reasonable" amount of time to allow you to find another doc (reasonable is usually about 30 days). What this means is that an OB cannot drop you, for any reason, if you are within 30 days of your EDD, unless you agree and are in place with another OB.
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