Finding a midwife is hard!
I'm almost 28 weeks pregnant with my first baby and have been seeing a regular OB but this whole time I've been trying to find a midwife in my area. But it seems like the fates are conspiring to stop me from seeing a midwife. I have found one midwife who'll deliver for me at a hospital too far away and another who won't see me until I get my medical records (but the OB office is being painfully slow getting my records to me). Any suggestions on how I can find a midwife in my area that my insurance will cover??
Also, what I'd really like to do is have a home water birth but no one in my family is supportive of this. In fact, my husband has refused to go along with it because he thinks it's unsafe. My mother thinks that a tub would make the floors of my 100 yr old house sink in, and my in-laws tell me it's flat out stupidly dangerous. My own stubbornness wants me to tell them all that I'm the one popping this thing out and this is what I want so they can just mind their own business... except for my husband. It's his baby too. But if I do what he wants and have the traditional hospital birth--I've been having nightmares about that and I know I'll regret it. My solution was to find a midwife who'd deliver in a hospital but a.) there aren't any hospitals with water birthing around me close enough to be feasible and b.) I can't seem to find a midwife in my area period! At this point I'm looking for any advice at all!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Rachael Fichtner on
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Oh my heart breaks for you. How frustrating! My best friend is in a similar situation. She wants a natural birth, but her hubby is a dentist and thus has been indoctrinated that the medical world is superior to anything, that labor = unnecessary pain, etc. Where I live in upstate NY we are blessed with a hospital that has WONDERFUL midwife, staff, and OBGYNs who are very supportive of natural birth. You might want to start with touring and deciding what hospital feels right (since fighting with a spouse over homebirth is not good for your relationship - like you said, it is his baby too. All the others, they can go scratch. But your hubby is important and needs to be behind you). Ask the hospital staff about common practices (you can often tell right away by the reaction of the nurse how natural birth friendly they are), about the doctors, routines, etc. Keep in mind that midwife in a hospital doesn't always mean the same model of care. Look for someone (even an OB because you might just find one) who has a holistic model of care. There are ways to make compromises with OBs too. If you say you don't want an IV, but either they or the hospital has a problem, try negotiating a saline port (commonly called heparin port or well, although heparin is no longer used). I had to have this last time because I hemorrhaged badly with my previous pregnancy. Things like that. You ask if you can sign wavers when it comes to continuous fetal monitoring, checking your dilation, etc. It is important that your hubby and your doctor are on board. Has your husband watched BOBB? After watching BOBB together, my husband turned to me (we were previously on the fence about natural birth but had a bad experience with our first baby enough to be curious) and said, "Uhhh, soooo, you're going to do that, right?" lol. Another suggestion - be looking into something like Hypnobabies now. It is important to find an OB, but it is also time to start preparing for a natural birth, if you haven't started already. I find there is a lot of very useful information in the Hypnobabies packet of reading. I've used it twice and loved it. Chin up and you'll find someone - keep digging! And don't rule out OBGYNs completely. Good luck!
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One more thing, here is a link to find a homebirth midwife in your area if your husband changes his perspective - http://www.mothersnaturally.org/midwives/findAMidwife.php
As far as insurance, keep in mind what you would pay for co-payments, deductibles, etc. to really compare costs of home/hospital birth.
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Permalink Reply by Kim on -
Check out hypnobirthing. We did it in a hospital known for interventions and my engineer husband was a believer. My hypno instructor attended as our Doula. I am so glad I did it with happy medium in hospital so my spouse was comfortable in case of complications. Also we were offered interventions. We politely declined them since baby and mom were safe and progressingfine.
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