Friends are hating on home birth

I am 26 weeks pregnant and about three weeks ago, after meeting with a midwife, my husband and I decided that we would much rather have a home birth rather than a hospital birth. I'm sure I don't have to list all the reasons for our decision, but it basically comes down to this one thing: having choice. We had planned on keeping our decision semi-private since so many people like to share their (often negative) opinions. I was shocked today that two of my closest friends were less than supportive when I mentioned that we were planning for a water birth at home. I got a lot of lecture-like talk about not putting too much into this experience since I may be disappointed if things don't go as planned.

Has anyone else dealt with this? It's hard to explain all the reasons I want this without hurting these friendships. I may have said the same thing to someone before researching home birth.

Tags: against, birth, experience, haters, home

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Permalink Reply by Shari W on December 16, 2010 at 7:08pm

Jennifer - So you're about 32 weeks now.  How are things going?  What are your current plans?

Shari

Permalink Reply by Jennifer D. Petty on December 17, 2010 at 10:00am

We're still going with the home birth. I took everyone's advice on here (and my midwife's) and I only share our choice with the people who support it. I figure educating people about home birth will come later. It was too much energy to try and share my thoughts about the subject with people who were not supportive. Instead I've taken that energy and am putting it towards preparing my body for birth and practicing the hypnobirthing techniques I've learned. I'm getting really excited - we're getting so close to meeting our little guy and I'm looking forward to his birth. Thanks for checking in on me!

Permalink Reply by Patricia S. on January 13, 2011 at 12:48pm
Thanks for sharing your situation.  I hope everything went great!
Permalink Reply by Denise Keck on January 18, 2011 at 2:30pm

I have this theory..... so many people are scared of the unknown.  And for many women in this country, the "unknown" is any sort of natural birth without medication.

 

I have friends who never explored birthing alternatives outside of the now "traditional" US hospital birth, and they are intimidated and condescending of my choice to have midwifery care.  But once I realized that they feel my experience will "best" theirs and be fulfilling to me as a woman, I understand their apparent lack of support.

 

I avoid the topic with most of my friends as I think each birthing experience is so very personal for every woman.  My intent is not to make anyone feel badly or feel as if they were robbed of any experience.... yet I fear the first two women I spoke with about my birthing plan were insulted by my choices because their own birthing experiences were not what they wanted.

 

I wish all of us a happy and healthy pregnancy and birth; whatever our situations.... wherever we deliver..... may we all be powerful and have amazing little ones at the end of the journey.

Permalink Reply by Normal Mom on January 26, 2011 at 5:43pm

My MIL called me out in front of extended family at Christmas on this subject.  We are having our second (my first was born very successfully at home) and yet they are still having a hard time accepting my choice of having a home birth.  (What if the baby is bigger than your first, what if...you name it) I've stopped reasoning with them, they all tend to be not informed when it comes to their own bodies and want doctors to "do it for them".  They will not be convinced until more women like you stick to your guns and have awesome home births.  Ignore them and enjoy your home birth!

 

Oh, and BTW, my mom is little like me (5'2") and had a 10.5 pound boy naturally at a birthing center and got up and went home that same night.  :)

Permalink Reply by Kathleen Jones on March 1, 2011 at 8:38am
I am planning on becoming pregnant and I brought up home birth to a good friend of mine who just had a baby via pit and epidural and she pretty much laughed in my face. She said just wait until you have contrations, you will want it too. I truly believe she is ignorant to the fact that the pit is what made everything else much more painful. She denied it had anything to do with her pain. She has a small pelvis so laying and pushing was probably not the best idea for her but she didn't think about that or was not properally informed.  She ended up with 4th degree tearing and does not contribute it to the position she gave birth in. And because she was in so much pain she decided she no longer had the energy to breast feed her son. She said she did enough work pushing him out. I really think most women are afraid of any birth that is not the current norm or what an OB tells them, sometimes I think there isn't even any use trying to talk to a woman who firmly believes in hospital births with all the drugs that make the pain go away. I would much rather expirence birth rather than numb it.
Permalink Reply by Colleen Burns on July 4, 2011 at 6:08pm

I may have said the same thing to someone before researching home birth.

This might be a good opener for a discussion when you're ready to talk to those people.  I just talked to one of my friends about it and at first she said "no way."  But then after I gave her more and more information she is really becoming supportive.  I think it's good to gently educate people instead of becoming defensive.  Have a wonderful home birth!

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