My sister was 15 weeks pregnant. She woke up Friday morning with bleeding. She went to the emergency room where they did an ultrasound and confirmed that the baby was no longer alive.

She later had to go to the labor and delivery floor and deliver the fetus. It was the absolute most heart wrenching experience of my life. She was induced with cytotec at 8 pm and delivered at 3 am. I saw the baby being born. And was allowed to view the baby after the delivery. He was so tiny and so sweet. My mom and I said a prayer for him.

My sister is still having a lot of pain. And may have to go back to the ER. I don't really know what I want to say, other than that. If anyone has any experience with this and has any ideas on how to honor the pregnancy, I'd love to hear them.

The baby will be cremated and I've looked into having a bead (for a necklace/charm bracelet) made with a small amount of the ashes.

Also, I've been researching and preparing myself for pregnancy, and while I don't want to make this about myself, I am now absolutely terrified to have a baby. I had wanted a natural childbirth at home with a midwife and now I'm just horrified. My husband and I were thinking of trying to conceive some time next year. And I've been devouring all the information about pregnancy and birth I could get my hands on. Now that overwhelming desire for a child has come to a halt.

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This is a terrible story, and unfortunately many women have the same one. Our bodies know if something is not right with our pregnancy/babies, and even though it's heart wrenching, it's a depressing reality. She will need a lot of support, and I love the idea of the bead made for her.  As for you, please don't let fear control your decisions surrounding pregnancy and birth! If we didn't do things because we were too scared- we'd never do anything important!!!

Miscarriages are difficult experiences for moms and those who love mom.  I am sorry to hear about your sisters experience.  My very good friend had something happen (I'm still not sure what) at 22 weeks.  They did an emergency C-section, but the baby didn't make it.  It took her a very long time to overcome her emotions.  In fact, the only reason she had more children is she became pregant unexpectedly (2 years later) - and then had to do a VBC to boot.  It was really hard on her at first, but it became a path to healing.  Now she can talk about it without crying, but their little boy is not forgotten.  They did a family chart for a craft with each of their kid's picture, and their lost little boy takes his place - name only - at the second in line in the family.  They have had 3 more children (5 total) and are a happy family.  Their kids know they have a brother who isn't with them, but they believe they will see him again some day and that brings peace.  I hope and pray your sister will find peace; it will take time.  And don't let this stop you from trying - when you are emotionally ready.  As mckibben said, miscarriage happens.  Sometimes for a reason we know about, sometimes not.  Ultimately, just have faith that whatever path you take, there will always be unexpected mountains.  Don't let them stop you from walking forward :o)



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