My heart is just breaking this evening. Due to circumstances beyond my control I was unable to attend my very good friend's HBAC. We have been talking for over a year about me attending her birth, since before she was even pregnant! We have grown very close and I was so excited to be there to help her through this very important and very life-changing time in her life. Her first birth was a stressful, fear-filled and exhausting. I could picture in my heart and in my head what this next birth would be like, fully redeeming the experience of her first birth. I know that there was nothing that I could have done and that this birth was not about me. Those thoughts keep running through my mind and my heart. Yet, I still am upset and sad that I could not be the support that she was planning on.
The baby boy arrived safely and at home. I can't wait to hear the ENTIRE birth story and share in the excitement of this new life.
How do I share my heart with her without making it seem that I am focusing on myself? Should I even share my dissapointment that I was not there? What would you do in a doula/friend situation?

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Replies to This Discussion

Hi Corie, that's a tough one for you!

I suppose it depends on why you weren't there - if it's because she didn't call you then you have to swallow your disappointment and know that you've done such a good job with the antenatal preparation that she didn't NEED you there. If that's the case you say nothing, just congratulate her and listen to her story. If, on the other hand, you weren't there because you couldn't make it for whatever reason, then I think it's important to let her know how sad you are that you missed it but how pleased you are that she coped so well.

As doulas we have to leave our ego at home, which is always difficult! I do know how you feel though and I can empathise, especially when you've spent such a long time sharing the journey with her. Let us know how it goes, and I'd LOVE to hear her birth story. VBAC is a subject particularly close to my heart as I had a VBA3C before I became a doula.

Hugs x

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