Husband needs some encouragement.

My husband and I are planning our third birth, but first HB this April. We discussed this option long before I got pregnant, and he was very scared of the whole thing. After a lot of discussing he agreed to it, and we have had a couple of prenatal appts.

Lately he's brought to my attention that he is still quite frightened and I think my extreme lack of fear, is only serving to confuse him more. I hate seeing my husband like this, and he is proving just how wonderful he is, by supporting my choice regardless.

Part of my wanting to birth at home is because of the close family aspect and he's so much a part of that. I want him to feel that the experience was beautiful and awe inspiring, but I'm afraid his fear will disconnect him.

He is planning on meeting with our midwife and back up OB to talk to them both, and get some of his questions answered and fears resolved. I was just wondering of anyone else out there has experienced this. What did you do? How did you help?

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Permalink Reply by Sara on October 1, 2009 at 2:34pm

I'm dealing with that now too! I'm 20 weeks now and I still have not been able to make an appt with the midwife because of his fears and doubts. I have told him everything that I've researched (he doesn't like to read) and still he is scared. I'm interested in finding out what other women have done to convince their hubby that it's a good idea.

Permalink Reply by Casondra on October 29, 2009 at 9:28pm

Have you tried showing him some nice youtube homebirth videos? There he can see what they look like and maybe appreciate the safety and beauty a bit more? Good luck hun!

Permalink Reply by Cherylyn on October 1, 2009 at 2:40pm

What helped my husband the most was when we had a doula. The doula helped him know what he could do to be actively helping me during labor and birth. Once he knew how he could help me, it seemed to help him feel much more comfortable about natural birth. The first time I had a doula was with our 3rd baby, unmedicated in the hospital. Our 4th was also unmedicated in the hospital with a doula, and we just recently had our 5th baby at home (first home birth) and it was absolutely amazing. I definitely think that meeting and talking with the midwife will help.

My husband wrote some of his feelings about birth after the home birth, and I posted it on my blog: Liam Samuel Rocks the House! - A Father's Perspective. Maybe your husband would be interested in reading it.

When I decided to plan a home birth my husband supported me because he knew that I knew what I was doing, even if he had some fears. Over the process of the pregnancy he became much more comfortable with the idea of home birth, and by the time the baby was born he wasn't scared at all. It also helped that he knew my midwife and trusted her too. It's really good that your husband is supporting your decision, and I think that's the first step for him in embracing this new experience. I hope this helps! I wish you a wonderful birth!

Permalink Reply by KM on October 1, 2009 at 3:06pm

I am a doula, and I think more than him feeling helpless, he worries about "what could happen". He's afraid of the unknown, and has been so conditioned to think that the hospitals are in control all the time so tragedy can't occur.

I'm going to show him your husband's blog and and maybe that will help. I think it's really just going to come down to it being a process and him having to find some peace in his soul. I'm hoping someone comes in to his life that felt the same way and can offer him some perspective and encouragement that I can't. It seems like my my reassurance isn't enough because I don't, and have never, shared his fears. This makes sense to me, it just leaves me with nothing to work with. :)

Permalink Reply by Jayna Vincent on October 25, 2009 at 9:21pm

wow- i can't tell you how much your husbands post on your blog inspired me. My husband is also skeptical of a homebirth...almost as much as I am skeptical of another dreaded hospital birth. Hopefully, after reading your blog and watching the BBB dvd, he will come around. Thanks again :o) You are such a blessing!

Permalink Reply by Cherylyn on October 1, 2009 at 3:06pm

You could also have him watch The Business of Being Born with you. I've heard other women say that helped their husbands a lot.

Permalink Reply by Jenna Hull on October 4, 2009 at 4:38pm

Yes! Watching this movie was huge for us too! He was right on board instantly!

Permalink Reply by Karen on October 1, 2009 at 3:32pm

Hi Kate.
Congratulations on your decision to have a homebirth.
My husband and I worked through his fears by reading lots of home birth stories courtesy of Ina May Gaskin's Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. We also took fantastic birth classes that were Bradley based and really helped empower him to become a vital part of the birth.
Good luck!
Karen

Permalink Reply by Jessica on October 1, 2009 at 4:11pm

I'm on my third homebirth (due december) and my husband didn't really get it either on the first one until he was actually there and saw it for himself. He had a lot of fears and didn't get why I was so confidant and persistent on doing it at home. He was amazed and very happy with the experience after going through it with me. Sometimes it just takes seeing it to understand and support it. Hope your husband can just trust your gut for now. He'll be so happy he did!

Permalink Reply by Megan Seibert on October 2, 2009 at 6:43am

My husband was pretty supportive from the begining. He more or less said, you have to do the work, it's your choice. But he wasn't sold until after we met the midwife, and he was actually the one that said what about a homebirth instead of the birth center? Someone else already mentioned it, but Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is very enlightening. Personally, for my husband I didn't recomend the first half with the birth stories because I knew he wouldn't finish the book, but I did ask him to read the second half. which should answer most of your husband's questions.

Permalink Reply by Karen on October 2, 2009 at 7:01am

When using Ina May's Guide we actually read the birth stories aloud together. We enjoyed sharing the experiences and it helped us both move to a place of normalcy with our decision to give birth at home.

Husband needs some encouragement.

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