People in my life not as supportive as I thought...
So I've been walking around these last 7months super happy with my decision and the support I've gotten regarding my choice to birth at home, completely oblivious to the fact that some people in my life think i am being reckless for the sake of having a birth to blog about...
Long story short, some important people in my life, who I know would never choose to birth at home, yet I thought new me well enough not make a decision like this lightly, actually think I am putting myself and baby at risk just for the experience.
Now, don't get me wrong, I completely understand with how birth is presented, the medical model being so dominate, etc, how people can be wary, even fearful of home birth. I understand how people in my life can have their doubts...but these people KNOW me. I expected they would know me well enough to know I've researched this, and I know what I am doing. I thought that my making this decision would make them want to understand more about home birth, and maybe even reduce their anxiety..boy was I naive.
So in the end, it doesn't really make me doubt my decision, or anything like that. But it's opened my eyes even more to how deep seated the fears and ignorance is about home birth. We are not talking about people who aren't smart and talking about highly independent, strong, women. Women I admire, look up too, educated beyond a 4year degree, who just blindly accept the medical model and make assumptions about home birth without even doing a shred of research! And trust me when I say me arguing with these people is of no use.
Oh well.. :-(
Long story short, some important people in my life, who I know would never choose to birth at home, yet I thought new me well enough not make a decision like this lightly, actually think I am putting myself and baby at risk just for the experience.
Now, don't get me wrong, I completely understand with how birth is presented, the medical model being so dominate, etc, how people can be wary, even fearful of home birth. I understand how people in my life can have their doubts...but these people KNOW me. I expected they would know me well enough to know I've researched this, and I know what I am doing. I thought that my making this decision would make them want to understand more about home birth, and maybe even reduce their anxiety..boy was I naive.
So in the end, it doesn't really make me doubt my decision, or anything like that. But it's opened my eyes even more to how deep seated the fears and ignorance is about home birth. We are not talking about people who aren't smart and talking about highly independent, strong, women. Women I admire, look up too, educated beyond a 4year degree, who just blindly accept the medical model and make assumptions about home birth without even doing a shred of research! And trust me when I say me arguing with these people is of no use.
Oh well.. :-(
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Michelle Van Norman on -
I'm sorry that you have to deal with this during what is supposed to be the happiest time in your life. I had a homebirth after 2 c-sections and believe me I got the dirty are you crazy looks too. I had a family friend who was a l&d nurse and loved telling me about the women who she saved because they tried a homebirth and started bleeding. I finally had to tell her I understand where you stand on this but it is my choice and if you don't have anything positive to say then please don't talk. My own mother wasn't invited to the birth of my daughter because she was scared to death something was going to happen to me. My only advise is stand strong by your decision to homebirth. Tell them you understand their fears but only need positive thoughts now and if something god forbid happens they can then say "I told you so". But most likely affter the delivery and the baby is safely in your arms in your bed they will say how sorry they were and how amazing that experience was for them. It may even change the way they see birth and you got to do that for them. Good luck and stay strong. You are doing the rigt thing. Homebirth is amazing.
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Permalink Reply by Rachel Hiser on -
Isn't it frustrating when people develop opinions without taking the time to understand the data available and the different sides to the perspective? I don't care if someone disagrees with me once they have researched the various perspectives on the issue. But, to be talked down to, put down and guilt-tripped for something I believe is right based on my own comprehensive research... that drives me nuts! lol.
I had my first homebirth this past June and it was awesome. A bunch of people thought I was crazy, reckless and just doing it because it is the current fad. But, I'm so glad we did it anyway. It was a day vs night experience compared to my first delivery (hospital).
I always liked to respond with a statistic or quote when someone started in on me... like, "Actually, I read in such-and-such report that it is safer to give birth in Kuwait than in a hospital here in the states. I was shocked! You should check out the study; I'll e-mail it to you." Things like that usually ended the conversation. :)
You've made an informed decision. We support you! We've been there, done that and know it is an amazing thing.
Regards,
Rachel -
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Permalink Reply by Patrice Nichole Byers on -
@ Rachel - Yes, I've seen that before about Kuwait! As for standing firm in my decision. No problem there. I have enough trust in my decision, my choice, my birth team, my body, to not be swayed by anyone..and quite frankly, it hasn't made me sad or anything. I was just shocked what could only be described narrow-mindedness (is that a word LOL), by a few people who otherwise are very intelligent and open to things.
I do have the support of other friends and family, my boyfriend of course (whose on mother is very supportive having birthed her last child at home), and my mother. Just having my boyfriend and mother trust me, trust the process, and my birth team, makes me feel like I really do have enough support. -
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Permalink Reply by Kristin Minnick on
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So far it seems that after you have the baby safely at home some people still think you are crazy. Just remember the mothers that think you are crazy are probably not as well educated on the subject as you are or think that just because they have had to "save" people who had a home birth go wrong are missing out on a wonderful experience. I am a RN and I had my first at home and hope to have the rest at home. My husband got to support the baby as he came out and hand him to me. For the nurses that tell you it's not safe because they have had to save mothers ask them how many more mothers they have had to save because they had what would have been a uncomplicated birth at home at the hospital and the doctor was in a hurry and tried to pull on hte placenta or did a unnecessary c-section and caused multiple problems for mom and baby. Hopefully your family and friends that are "worried" more like misinformed turn around after the birht goes well. Pick some birth affirmations to tell yourself everyday and remind yourself you are doing the right thing when someone says something silly about homebirth.
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer D. Petty on
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I'm going through this exact thing right now. I'm almost 7 months and my husband and I made the decision last month that homebirth is the best option for us. Yesterday, I had lunch with two of my closest friends who I felt would be supportive. Instead I felt like I spent the entire lunch under fire while they got in remarks about me being too invested in the birth experience, how nice the local hospital is, and how the only thing that matters is having a healthy baby. It really got to me and I found myself texting my husband the entire afternoon - so angry that I had to defend our choice. And that's how I left it with my friends. I simply said to them, "Every woman should be entitled to make her own choices."
I like the comment about Kuwait. I'm going to start using that one :) -
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Permalink Reply by Jessica Marquina on
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I would say, the ignorant people who think that homebirthing is unsafe, have not done their research. Sure, a hospital birth would be safe, and there are medical doctors there for medical need. But birthing is not a medical thing. It is a natural thing.
I think that when someone is doing something that is not of the norm, people are going to ask questions.
Sometimes, it is just easier to let it be. Especially since you say that arguing with them is of no use. I would say that you can agree to disagree. Know that there are people out there who totally agree with what you are choosing, it is just not these women. It is hard to convince someone of something like homebirthing if they are not if that mindset.
My mother had me at home, and I had my second child at home. When my mom was planning my homebirth, her priest told her that he would be available to read her last rights... meaning that he would bless her before she died!! From her homebirth!! That is how ignorant people were in 1980, and they still are.
And it is not just about the experience. It is about the safety, the security, and the fact that you are the boss of your own body; not the doctors. I wish more women were more educated about this... -
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