Single and having homebirth! Has any other mama had this experience!?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jessica Fox on July 12, 2010 at 1:29pm

I personally haven't experienced a single homebirth but do know a friend that had it because her husband was deployed overseas for most of her pregnancy and birth. She had a doula and she said that she was worth her weight in gold.

You may also invite somebody that you're comfortable with such as a relative or friend if you feel that will help you feel more secure.

Good luck!

Permalink Reply by Annalena on July 12, 2010 at 2:04pm

I was going to have a home birth, then I couldn’t get it covered by the insurance so I was using a midwifery birth center. This was with my little one last year but then she waited and waited so long to come out that everyone was nervous and they told me that after 41/42 weeks they wouldn’t do it at the center anymore because of liability and I had to go to the hospital. So I wish I had a good home birth story for you as a single mom, but basically I can say that as a single mom, the “system” probably was able to bully me more into something I really didn’t want. I still had my midwife there and I wasn’t hooked up to anything, but it wasn’t at home. It seems like that would happen a lot that maybe a single-mom wants to give a home birth a try but too many people around her act like “you don’t have any support” rather than them just being supportive and helping her. I had my older daughter at home, but at that time I was married to her father. Even though I had someone then, I would have still done it at home if he wouldn’t have been in the picture. I just don’t like the idea of hospitals and I really don’t like this “culture” that’s been created that looks at a single pregnant woman like “oh, poor you, let me tell you how you’re going to have this baby and instead of you doing what you’re body is meant to do, we’ll instead try to talk you into pain meds, inductions, c-sections, etc. so we can line our pockets with money” Yea, sorry, a little rant but that’s how I was treated with both my kids (I didn’t get married until I was 8 months pregnant with my first, so I was doing all the logistics by myself in the first few months, even being sent to the local clinics at first, which I quickly dropped because of their “we know what’s best because that’s we’re paid for” attitude). So I do wish you all the best! You’ll be fine if you have an excellent midwife/doula set ;-) They are worth more than gold and they will be with you every step. A partner actually just gets in the way. I also have a page on here for single parents. I’ve been so lazy and not updated or really done much with the page, but there are a few people on it and I’m hoping people will get more interested in sharing and helping each other since I think single parenting really isn’t always recognized for what it is, rather I feel like people look at the relationship status first. It’s like “yea, I’m single but I’m a parent and that’s all that matters to me” So check it out. I think you can connect to it from my profile page, if not, I’ll try and send you a link. Good luck! and remember, before you know it, their old. My oldest daughter turned 6 last week and my baby is now 15months. It went so fast!!! Blessings to you!

Permalink Reply by Megan Kolaja on July 27, 2010 at 7:50pm

I could not agree with you more on so many levels! I am so grateful you took the time to write this, and it made me feel someone understood. I know exactly how you feel. It makes me sad single moms are made to feel this way in the "system". I would love to use what I have learned and make that better somehow. It is nice to read this and know I am not alone. I don't have others around me that can relate, even though they are wonderful and supportive. THANK GOD for doulas and midwives!!!

Permalink Reply by Meredith Paige Browning Lovell on July 12, 2010 at 3:45pm

My second cousin, Regina, had a home water birth without a partner. Just her midwife and possibly her mother. I'll have to ask her some details about it. I know if my spouse couldn't be there I would be secure enough and happy enough with just my midwife and her assistant, possibly a friend. Xo

Permalink Reply by Carl Maeda on July 12, 2010 at 8:39pm

A friend of mine had a homebirth. Unfortunately, she was going through a divorce at the time. The best advice is to get lots and lots of support. My wife was there cooking for her almost everyday and cleaning up. (and she lived one hour away!) So yes, lots of support and you should do fine.

Permalink Reply by Candace McCollett on July 13, 2010 at 12:36pm

I was a single mom 13 years ago when I had my daughter but I never wrote a birth story. But here is a summary of my life path at that time:

I became pregnant with my daughter in 1996. At the time, I had just landed a wonderful job with a chiropractic office and I neglected to let them know I was pregnant in fear of not getting hired. Once they started training me to be an x-ray technician, I had to fess up. Rather than being upset, the office staff was excited for me and very supportive. The chiropractor and his wife had had homebirths and introduced me to the notion of labor and birth without pain medications. One of my therapy patients brought me a bag of herbal pregnancy tea and Ina May Gaskin’s “Spiritual Midwifery,” which fascinated me with the author’s concept of normal birth without fear. But most importantly, another one of my patients offered to attend my birth at home for the fee of $50 to cover the cost of supplies. She was a registered Colorado midwife who, unknown to me, had an ulterior motive. I had originally planned on giving my unborn child the best start in life by placing her with another family for adoption because I felt like I could not handle the demands of being a single mother. This midwife hoped that a home birth would convince me to keep the baby. Well, her plan was a success and she has given me a gift I have yet to repay. My daughter was with her adoptive parents for eight hours before I asked to have her back. Because of my un-medicated, intimate homebirth experience, I could not get my daughter’s eyes out of my field of vision, even while she was out of my home for those few hours. I am convinced to this day that if I had had a hospital birth, then I would have had drugs to cope through labor which would have interrupted the delicate balance of bonding hormones that flows through a woman’s body in the course of natural labor. Additionally, the hospital staff would have whisked my daughter away to the nursery and the time for bonding would have been lost. At my homebirth, I got time to spend the rest of the night with my daughter un-interrupted before I called the adoption agency in the morning. As a result, my daughter became imprinted on my brain.

Since I was a single mom, I moved back to Maine when my daughter was five months old to get some family support. When my daughter was 18 months old, I met the man of my dreams. Unbelievably, our parents hooked us up on a blind date. Over the next few years, I finished my biology degree and had another homebirth for my son. A year later I moved my newly expanded family back out to Colorado on the prayer of a small nest egg because we had no jobs waiting for us. Eventually, I started teaching childbirth classes, took a labor/birth doula training, and now I am a student of midwifery. After all the great support I received from my first pregnancy and birth experience, I wanted to give the same thing back to other expecting parents. Essentially, a midwife helped shape the path I am on today!

Permalink Reply by Megan Kolaja on July 27, 2010 at 7:48pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me! It was amazing and truly made me feel better, and inspired. Your story gives me so much hope and it gives me strength. I wish you so much peace and love! I feel more empowered already. Thank you so much for taking the time to write. XO

Permalink Reply by Megan Kolaja on July 27, 2010 at 7:51pm

Just hearing these responses made me feel so much better. Thanks to you all for taking time to write to me. It's nice to know you are out there....:)

Permalink Reply by lynsey jones on June 4, 2011 at 6:22am

I had my first home birth 14 years ago, and it is such a precious memory.  while i was not single my partner at the time had made it very clear he was not ready for a baby.   I felt like a single mom, and knew i would be.  all my focus was on the baby and loving and bonding with him.  It was a great experience, organizing and planning a homebirth was a fantastic, confidence building, rite of passage into being the best single mom i could be!