People who have experienced, support or are interested in homebirth.

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Can Aromatherapy Really Help Me During Childbirth???

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Hospital, How far is too far?

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Comment by Marci For Birth Choice on July 22, 2010 at 9:19am
Hey Meridith,
I'm in a similar position to you - basically, my mom is NOT a good person to have in the birth. She assumes I will scream for the drugs and is not supportive of home birth because she doesn't think going natural is feasible. So essentially, my midwives, their students, and my husband will be there. I wouldn't mind my sister being there, but then my mom will wonder why I let her come. I think I may have my sis take some pics and sneak her in that way :). But even though I'd been fine with my dad and brother being there during labor (not delivery), I can't have them be there at all or else mom will have a spasm. Really. She doesn't even handle stress in general well - she has serious issues with anxiety, so even if she were supportive of homebirth, I don't think she'd be good to have at the birth. No joke, I'd be there having birthed the baby and then discover that she'd been rushed to ER because of the stress. So I consider it that I'm doing mom a favor, even though she doesn't know it :).

Do everything in your power to keep out the people who will be spectators - this is not Baby Story, where people bring crowds of folks to witness the birth (and enjoy their 5 minutes of fame on TV lol - come all those people show up just to support the mama ?!? :)). This is your birth and your body. This will be my first birth and my first homebirth, but I don't want my labor affected by spectators.
Comment by Sara on July 22, 2010 at 8:59am
Wow! I love the idea of an etiquette form. Great idea ;) With my second child (hospital birth) my MW told me to ask her for grape juice if I wanted the room cleared. That way she could ask everyone to leave w/ no hurt feelings. It was code--since the hospital didn't have grape juice ;)
Comment by Meredith Paige Browning Lovell on July 22, 2010 at 8:52am
Our midwife gave us an etiquette form for those wanting to attend to read. She also knows WHO I have issues with and said if we decide to have them there that she will keep them busy with errands and tasks. :) We have a small apartment so being able to "escape" to another room isn't much of an option.
Comment by Meredith Paige Browning Lovell on July 22, 2010 at 8:47am
Thank you ladies. I have a habit of wanting to please everyone. Other than my husband, midwife and apprentice; I want my baby sister there. She and I are very close and she knows me inside and out. The only downfall is she lives in DC and that's a 2hr drive from us.
Comment by Sara on July 22, 2010 at 8:47am
OK so when I said "grusome painful" part in in my comment I should have put that in quotes. That is my daughter's description--not mine. I would describe it as challenging ;)
Comment by Sara on July 22, 2010 at 8:44am
My Mom, Dad, MIL, daughter & son were all at home when my baby was born. However, I gave birth in my bathtub in my room upstairs. They were all present be included shortly after he was born and to offer support through the early part of my labor BUT I was able to be in a separate part of the house so not everyone was crowded around while I was in the last part of Labor & the Delivery. Because I was like you, just not sure how I would feel w/all those people and I wanted to have the option of deciding at the time how I felt and be able to have privacy if that's what felt right at the moment. I guess my downstairs living room was kinda a very comfortable waiting room for them ;)

In the end, my Mom, daughter, and son came in and out unobtrusively during the last of my L&D and it was fine. I was comfortable and so were they. My Mom ended up being in charge of holding and giving my water which left my husband and the MW & assistant free to focus on me. My son & daughter came in right as the baby was coming out. MIL & Dad came in after I was out of the tub and situated in my bed. My daughter was undecided about being in the room for the delivery and since she came in right as he was coming out she feels like she got the best of both worlds--missed the gruesome painful part but was there when he came into the world. My son (he is 4) was able to check on me and see that I was OK the go about his way. This actually helped me feel better about how he was doing and reduced my stress about him and let me focus on the task at hand.

I was unsure about who I would want in there and how I would feel at the time. I let all involved know that f they were ejected from the room don't be hurt I just needed to be free to do what I felt was best at the time, sorta a game time decision if you know what I mean ;) All involved understood and were committed to do whatever I needed. Because of this commitment I was not stressed and it worked out fine.

My MW rule was that only supportive people be allowed in the house during the L&D. So if people want to be there and they don't offer you support or bring up negative feelings they are OUT! Blame it on your MW. Tell them that she has asked that not a lot of people be there and that you will call them after baby arrives (that way you don't have to be the bad guy if you don't feel comfortable just telling them no). In the end, its your decision who is there based on how you feel and what you need. No one else matters and you have the right to change your mind if what you though was OK turns out not to be.
Comment by Darcel on July 21, 2010 at 8:53pm
Meredith, this is YOUR birth, not theirs. Some people are comfortable with a lot of people around, and others are not. You need to do what feels right for you and your baby. No one should be insisting anything. This birth is not about them at all.
Comment by Kate Lynch on July 21, 2010 at 7:41pm
Meredith, I personally chose to have my husband, my doula and the midwives at my home birth. I told everyone else that I loved them but that I would call them all when the baby was born and they could come over then. I definitely did not want an audience and I also didn't want my husband having to tell people to get out b/c they were distracting to me.
Comment by Terri Henry on July 21, 2010 at 7:37pm
Hi Meredith...I was told that every additional person you have at your birth slows it down! I'm not sure if this is true but may be worth considering. I was planning to have a group of my closest friends at my birth but it didn't work out. Its good to be able to tune in to you and your baby and not have to worry about other people being's all good if they keep quiet and assist but if everyone wants to chat, coach or offer constant advice I'd keep them away!! just my humble opinion anyway :-)
Comment by Meredith Paige Browning Lovell on July 21, 2010 at 7:28pm
Ok ladies, Here is a question for you. Who do you feel should be present at your birth? I have a lot of relatives and friends who want to be there but I don't know how I feel about an audience. There are also some people who are insistent on being there that I do not want there at all (I don't feel safe).

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